How to be HAPPY

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Devi: Mom, I am so happy.

Me: Oh Why are you happy?

This is the conversation that I had with my 3-year-old daughter. She told me again a few days later that she was happy. And again I asked her the same question. “Why are you happy? She didn’t reply to me and continued playing with her toys.

Now I would like to ask you. Why are you happy? What makes you happy?

My daughter kept telling me “ I am happy. I am happy” to the point that I was jealous[curious face] of my own daughter. There was a time when I was driving in the car with her for her check-up. We were stuck in a terrible traffic jam. I was frustrated and started to worry about its cancellation. When I glanced at my daughter, she gave me a big smile. The other day, I bought tickets to the zoo for my whole family. When the day finally came, it was raining. The moment I saw the rain, I was mad. My whole plan was destroyed. But my daughter, on the other hand, the moment she saw the rain, she was unbelievably happy and started to sing “rain rain go away. come again”.

How come 2 people in the same situation reacted so differently? She is happy. I am not happy. I am very curious.

She kept telling me again and again that she was happy but she has never given me the reason why. Days went on and on and I still didn’t have the answer.

Until one day my partner introduced me to a book, “Awareness” by Anthony De Mello. He was the best-selling author of 12 books. Anthony De Mello was a Jesuit priest known throughout the world for his writings and spiritual conferences. While reading this book I found this interesting quote: "Happiness is our natural state. Happiness is the natural state of little children, to whom the kingdom belongs until they have been polluted and contaminated by the stupidity of society and culture."

He stated that we do not need to do anything to be happy because it is our natural state. He further mentioned that we were born happy but we have been programmed to be unhappy. This got me thinking about my daughter’s happiness. She is happy for no reason. And that is fine because it’s her natural state and she has not yet been polluted by the stupidity of society. I, instead, am not happy because I was spoiled by society. This is cultural conditioning. Society taught us that happiness comes from the outside. They taught us that in order to be happy, we need money, success, a beautiful or a handsome partner in life, you name it. Unless we get these things, we are not going to be happy.

To acquire happiness we do not have to do anything because happiness cannot be acquired. We have it already. How can we acquire what we already have, but then why don’t we feel it? Because we have got to drop something. We have to drop the false beliefs. A false belief is a misconception resulting from incorrect reasoning.

Let me share some examples of my false beliefs with you so you better understand what these are:

- My first false belief: I believed that I needed to be the top student so that I could be happy. I reached the top and I felt so thrilled, for this long: about 5 minutes. Then, things started to get tense. I have got to live up to it, I have got to maintain it. And I am not happy.

- My second false belief: I believed that I needed to get a good job with good pay so that I could be happy. I have worked so hard to get a good job and when I have got it, I have got to strive to keep it. I needed to work even harder to meet my boss’ expectations. It started to get tense again and it didn’t make me happy.

- My third false belief: I must marry a handsome partner so that I can be happy. In my opinion, I married an extremely handsome guy[show the picture of Brad Pitt]. I am happy. My mom is happy. But sometimes when he gets mad he looks really ugly which makes me not happy at all.

These seem interesting to me. The things that I used to believe can make me happy, actually don’t. I believe there is something to add to De Mello’s quote: Happiness is our natural state, yes, and also nothing can make me happy. That is a good thing! because I am the only agent who can decide my happiness. Right now, I am trying to go somewhere. I recently embarked on a journey of financial freedom and I told myself that when I reach my goal, I would be happy. But actually, after learning all about this, I guess this is my fourth false belief that I need to drop. I can be happy now while pursuing my goals.

By the way, do you think that I am happy that I won this contest? Well… No actually not. because that is not the point. The important thing is that I was able to learn and to know many people through this process. My happiness doesn’t depend on the final results of winning or losing. I feel it inside me. My happiness is here[point to my heart].

I have come here to share with you what I have recently learned and how my perspective on life has changed. We don’t need to be the best to be happy. You should be happy too. It’s your natural state. Stop asking “Why”. It is the wrong question to ask. Stop searching for external factors to make you happy. You just need to drop your false beliefs and you will experience happiness.

Devi: Mom, I am so happy.

Me: yes you are ! And so am I.


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